


Love On The Brain

by chaotically_cas



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: M/M, Tw implied abuse (Johnny), tw blood, tw cursing, tw death, tw implied sexual content, tw violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29423607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotically_cas/pseuds/chaotically_cas
Summary: Song fic. Super fucked up.
Relationships: Johnny Cade/Dallas Winston
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Love On The Brain

And you got me like, oh

Johnny didn’t expect to fall for the blonde. He didn’t expect any of this. He didn’t expect the sneaking away at the darkest time of night. And he especially didn’t expect to be enjoying it. But most of all he didn’t expect Dallas to feel the same. 

What you want from me? (What you want from me?)

It started as a drunken kiss. Dal had been high off his ass as well when he slammed Johnny up against the wall and practically loved him as tomorrow didn’t exist. The only thing that concerned Johnny after that, was if Dally remembered it. Or hell, if he even wanted it. 

And I tried to buy your pretty heart, but the price too high

So the next day Johnny went over. And Dallas did the same thing he did the night before, but sober. And Johnny would be damned if he let him slip away again. But based on the sounds that came from Dallas that night, he was thinking the same thing. 

Baby you got me like, oh, mm

And when Johnny woke up that second time in Dally’s arms, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rises and falls of his chest. It made all of Johnny’s longings and desires finally feel true. And who knows, maybe they were. 

You love when I fall apart (fall apart)

He first noticed Dally was awake when he placed a soft kiss on Johnny’s temple, mumbling a soft ‘I love you’. He didn’t know Johnny was awake. And Johnny wasn't about to let him know. He wanted to hear what Dally had to say. Every last whispered word. 

So you can put me together

‘You’re so beautiful Johnny baby’ ‘oh god I wanna do that every day’ ‘how are you so perfect’ ‘be mine Johnnycakes’. And Johnny said yes. It shocked the shit out of Dally. But he said yes. He had to. 

And throw me against the wall

Dally just laughed and kissed him again right up against the headboard. Johnny could damn well get used to this. Hell, he had already. They both got used to it the moment their lips first met and the first time their hands fell upon each other’s cold skin. 

Baby you got me like ah, woo, ah

And since then they were inseparable. They had always been inseparable. But now it was different. Half the days they didn't even get out of bed they were so drunk in love. The other half they spend acting like fools anywhere they could. 

Don't you stop loving me (loving me) Don't quit loving me (loving me) Just start loving me (loving me)

It was obvious they were in love. Anyone who spent more than a minute around them could see the way they hung together like their lives depended on the grasp the other had on his heart. Almost as if they were scared to let go for even a second. 

Oh, and baby I'm fist fighting with fire

Ponyboy was the first to notice the way Johnny would wince when Dally wrapped him in a warm hug. Years of abuse made it so he still wasn’t used to the embrace of a man. The funny thing was that neither of them even noticed they were slowly healing each other’s deepest wounds. 

Just to get close to you

Johnny didn’t scare so easily anymore. He didn’t cringe away at high fives. He smiled more. Dallas wasn’t so angry at everyone and everything like he used to be. He looked soft and defeated most times instead. He smiled more as well. 

Can we burn something, babe?

It wasn’t a hard thing to notice. It was the first thing you noticed about the two of them. It was impossible not to pick up on the way they leaned into each other’s touch or found comfort in only a few whispered words. The way they forgot how bad their world had completely fucked the two of them over when they were together. 

And I run for miles just to get a taste

And even when they weren't together. Johnny stood up to his parents more. Dallas stopped starting fights with every tuff looking guy he saw. People said they’d changed, but in truth, they really hadn’t. They just brought out the sides of each other the world was too scared to see. 

Must be love on the brain

That’s probably what got Johnny jumped the first time. The fact that he wasn’t scared anymore because he knew Dallas would be there there after. He was always there after. So he took every punch and kick with the thought in mind that even though he could take these guys, Dallas would be there regardless. 

That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way)

And he was. Johnny stumbled into his apartment late that night all blooded up, like he’d done before many times. But this time he did so with a smile on his face. ‘I knew you’d be here’. Dallas didn’t know what he meant at first. Of course he was there, it was his room. But that’s not what Johnny was saying. 

It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good

Johnny was saying that every punch. Every day without food. Every insult. Every act of violence. Didn't have the same effect on him as it did before. Because he knew that no matter what happened, Dally would be there for him. And the other way around. So he could stomach it. He would stomach it all of him. 

And I can't get enough

But on one particular night Johnny had gotten it real bad. Talking broken noses, ribs, and more. He could barely limp his way over to Bucks that night. And the second he walked through Dally’s door, he collapsed. Like he had done, again, many times before. 

Must be love on the brain yeah

And Dallas cleaned him up, like he had done many times before. They never talked during moments like that. Because they knew everything that was being unsaid already. They knew that what they weren’t saying was just as dangerous as the things they were. 

And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)

They knew with every cut that Dally would clean and every bruise he would brush his fingers over. They were too dangerous together. If they kept together the way they were going, one of them would end up dead. And fast. So they didn’t talk. 

No matter what I do, I'm no good without you

They knew how fucked they were together but they didn’t say a word because they also knew they wouldn’t last long apart either. And the both of them would rather die together than be forced apart. 

And I can't get enough

So everytime and every late night they spent together, they spent trying to forget. Everytime Dally’s hands grazed over Johnny’s bruises and every time Dally’s name was said without a hint of malice or hate, they couldn’t forget. They couldn’t forget that the two of them were the only things keeping each other alive. 

Must be love on the brain

But they were killing each other at the same time. Maybe not directly, but everyday that passed that they grew closer and the unsaid words grew heavier. They were killing each other. Even if they didn’t do the punching or anything. They did enough. 

Baby, keep loving me

They couldn’t tell if they just didn’t care or if they were genuinely too in love to notice. But that was a funny way of describing them. I mean, they definitely were in love. But that wasn’t the kind of thing either would admit to out loud, aside from throaty moans and grunts. 

Just love me, yeah

They hadn’t said they loved each other. Not directly. Not in the exact words. Instead they said it in the way that they held each other close in the middle of the night. Or the dent in the wall by Dally’s bed. Even the way they helped grease up the others' hair in the morning. 

Just love me

They weren’t Steve or Soda. Who said they loved each other every day. Or Pony and Curly, who it was obvious they loved each other. It was different with Johnny and Dally. They didn’t show others the way they loved behind closed doors. Like it would take away the meaning of it all. It was most for them. 

All you need to do is love me, yeah

And that’s the way they liked it. They didn’t like the stares they got even when they hung out normally. So they saved every touch, every glance, and every word until they were alone. But they never truly did feel alone when they were together.

Got me like ah-ah-ah-ow

Johnny had been alone his entire life. Yeah he had the gang but no one had loved him in the way he was supposed to be loved or needed to be loved before Dallas. And Dallas as much as he had everyone in the world around him, he strived to be alone, until Johnny. They could be alone together. 

I'm tired of being played like a violin

Guess that’s what made them so cruel. Not towards each other but towards the world. Cruel in a way they made them hate everything and everyone but each other. Which in turn made them hate themselves. 

What do I gotta do to get in your motherfuckin' heart?

Johnny hated the way his heart stopped beating whenever his name left Dally’s desperate lips in pants and groans. And Dally hated the way he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to do so every moment of every day. 

Baby like ah, woo, ah

But they couldn’t stop themselves as much as they wanted too. As much as they wanted to stay away from each other, for both their own good, they always ended up tangled up in each other’s arms. Hands running through hair. Lips on skin. Like a broken record. 

Don't you stop loving me (loving me) Don't quit loving me (loving me) Just start loving me (loving me)

‘Never leave me Johnny’ ‘I won’t’. ‘Promise you’ll stay forever?’ ‘I will’. ‘God you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ ‘And you’re mine’. ‘Fuck I love you so much’ ‘I love you more’. ‘Dally you’re so good’ ‘You make me better’. 

Oh, and babe I'm fist fighting with fire

But it couldn’t stay like that forever. The night was soon to drown out their words when it became morning. When it was time to get up and act as if whatever words were exchanged the night before were only a shared fever dream. 

Just to get close to you

Shit, if it wasn’t the best damn dream either of them have ever had. And neither of them would ever want to wake up from. But if they did they didn’t wanna believe it. They already had a hard time believing any of it was real to begin with. 

Can we burn something, babe?

Who knows, maybe that was exactly what it was. A dream. A dream that felt so real, so physical, so strong. Maybe it was some sort of shared psychosis or delusion that the both of them had bought into so deeply and darkly that it was all they could know anymore. 

And I run for miles just to get a taste

And if it was all made up in the two of their heads, maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing that could happen. Maybe it was for the best that it stayed like that. That way they knew the integrity and the sacredness of it could stay between the two of them forever. 

Must be love on the brain

But like with all dreams, you have to wake up sometime. And that was something neither of them wanted to talk about. Again. There was almost more unsaid, and it was eating them alive. Slowly but surely they began to wake up. 

That's got me feeling this way (feeling this way)

Dally woke up first. He woke up when he saw Johnny walk through the door at Bucks. Shivering. Shaking. A killer. That’s when everything came crashing down. That’s when he knew that he had to wake up. Because if he didn’t, it would have gotten more than just Bob killed. 

It beats me black and blue but it fucks me so good

And then there was the fire. The fire that Dally could feel pricking at his skin before he even saw Johnny run in. He didn’t know if he was finally awake or falling deep into another indescribable nightmare. But the pain. That was real. That’s what kept him awake. 

And I can't get enough

‘Do it for Johnny’. The others knew what he meant. Even if he didn’t fully understand it. He knew Johnny was dying. But it didn’t feel real to him. Their whole relationship, or whatever you would call it, never did. So why would him dying be real to? That’s when he decided it couldn’t be. None of it could. 

Must be love on the brain

Johnny dying couldn’t be real because that meant life without him. And life without Johnny, now that was a nightmare. A fucking nightmare. That’s all it was to Dally. It couldn’t be anything more than that or he would shatter. He would shatter into all the pieces Johnny had helped piece back together. 

And it keeps cursing my name (cursing my name)

‘Johnny’s dead’. The first time he said it out loud he didn’t feel anything. Not a single thing. Because how could he feel anything anymore. You’d expect him to be a mess of sobs like all the girls who have dealt with the same thing. But he didn’t. He felt nothing. 

No matter what I do

He felt so much nothing it was overwhelming. Not the kind of overwhelming he felt when it was just the two of them, late at night. It was a kind of overwhelming that was paralyzing. That made his feet stuck to the cement like glue and his heart feel grey. 

I'm no good without you

He didn’t even realize when his feet started to trudge along the sidewalks. Into the store. Down the street. To the payphone. A new sort of dream. But this time he knew there was absolutely no waking up from it. It saw it in the faces of every member of the gang. Every cop. 

And I can't get enough

The first and last thing he felt after that was the cold, damp, pavement under his chest. It wasn’t the hardness of the ground or the wetness from his blood mixing with the rain water. It was the knowing. The feeling. That he was gonna get to be with Johnny one last time. ‘Promise you’ll stay forever?’ ‘I will’.

Must be love on the brain


End file.
